There’s No Place Like Home, There’s No Place Like Home…

peter-c-vey-i-do-take-home-some-office-property-but-only-because-i-m-building-an-exa-new-yorker-cartoon

You step into an acquaintance’s house for the first time, and discover that everything — from the furniture, to the books, to the art on the wall — is identical to your home. What happens next?

  1. Suddenly realize what they really mean when they say it’s a good thing to get plenty of sleep each night.
  2. Schedule an appointment for a CT scan as well as with an ophthalmologist, psychiatrist, podiatrist, horticulturalist, roofer, hypnotist, and hair dresser (not necessarily in that order, or for the same reason).
  3. Enroll in an interior decorating class. Immediately.
  4. Before leaving, look to see if the handle on their bedroom window is also broken.
  5. Discuss whether we should keep the coat tree in the hall or move it next to the front door.
  6. Tell them, “No, that’s OK, I know where it is,” when they start to tell me how to find the bathroom.
  7. Be completely shocked that they have only wholesome, healthy food in the fridge and pantry.
  8. Envy the fact their pet’s nickname is not “barfy cat” (obviously, by the looks of their unstained carpets).
  9. Curse the antique dealer that swore the pine secretary was “a one of a kind find.”
  10. Wonder if the chip on the edge of the dining room table is perhaps a design flaw rather than result of bashing the vacuum into it last year.
  11. Be simply amazed they are able to keep their books in alpha order by author and title (and then be surprised to discover, since you can see it there quite plainly in the place where it ought to be, that your sister did return your copy of “1999 Pushcart Prize XXIII: Best of the Small Press,” like she repeatedly said she did. Not that you were actually missing it).
  12. Ask how they managed to get the couch cover to stay tucked in under the cushions like that (“We don’t use the couch like a trampoline.”)
  13. Write it off as a genetic anomaly that they ended up with enough room in their back yard to build a work studio.
  14. Reassure them that internet/TV cables and cords poking out in all directions from behind the console you both took an entire day assembling (and ending up with cabinet doors that won’t completely close) cannot be seen by anyone but yourselves.
  15. Get down on the floor and reach under the desk to find the nephew’s favorite toy (“Oh! You found it!” Your doppelganger will be so grateful you remembered to look).
  16. Freak out when you realize you have the same nephew.
  17. Swear to stop watching/reading creepy sci-fi or The Wizard of Oz just before bed (…and you were there, and you, and you…!).

Second Spring

fall flower arrangment“Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower.” ~author/philosopher Albert Camus

Autumn: the season I love the most. I get a little giddy at the prospect of bundling up in a favorite sweater, hat and coat to go out on a walk through a cool, blustery afternoon among the blowing leaves. What is it that makes autumn leaves look as though they have been injected with neon? They are so striking against a dark grey or bright blue sky. I never get tired of seeing autumn leaves.

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A Guest at the Party

One of my favorite things to do when watching a movie I know well is to watch the extras, or the actors in supporting roles when they are used as set dressing. I watch their performances intently, hoping to catch them out of character. Maybe their focus is off somewhere else (are they supposed to be looking somewhere off in the distance like that, or has their mind unconsciously wandered?), or I wonder if the inaudible conversation they are having with another actor has anything to do with the film. I wish I could read lips. (more…)

Alice Street

bad paint job“Go back the way you came…” the woman started to explain.

“What, that way?” he said pointing back over his shoulder.

“Is that the way you came?”

“Yes.”

“Oh. Well, then, go down the street to your left and when you get to the house with the bad paint job…”

He held up his hand. “Wait, wait. Do I go back the way I came, back that’away, or do I take a left?”

“Either works. You’ll see the house with the bad paint job either way you go.” (more…)

The Common Corps

avant gardeIf I have ever been, or will ever be on the outer edge of a thing, it will only be my own life. I know what it is to explore the fringes of my world, but not that of an entire society. Nor am I interested in being part of such a front line. Fact is, I am happily enlisted with the Common Corps.

That doesn’t mean I avoid those who deliberately seek the unusual and strive for originality. I am an excited observer of many things that play on the brink of what is familiar, and I like being enthralled with the unexpected. But I also genuinely enjoy the mastery of things that are common. I don’t reject either the mainstream or the unusual. (more…)

And lately, a long lately…

boredI’ve commented on WordPress blog prompts before. As previously stated, I have a like/dislike of them. They are not always inspiring and many times ask us to reveal more personal insight than I wish to put in my blog. But more often than not, one will provoke me in some way to respond. For that reason I check in every day, like a kid anxious to see what the prize in the cereal box will turn out to be. (more…)

The Four-minute Rabbit

Me at a recent visit to John Updike's childhood home, which is in the planning stages as future museum of the "Rabbit, Run" author's life and times.

Me at a recent visit to John Updike’s childhood home, which is in the planning stages as a future museum dedicated to the “Rabbit, Run” author’s life and times.

My family is a rare breed of city park-dwelling bunny rabbits. Our folks moved all 1,023 of us kits to a sprawling urban farm where we had acres of carrots, spring greens and kale to feed on. Our father taught us how to evade Wabbit Season and Mr. McGregor, while our mother made sure we knew our dandelions from our thistles. It was an idyllic childhood.

After completing my education at the Beatrix Potter Academy, I enrolled at the University of Lagomorpha where I majored in Medical Testing and minored Easter Basket Weaving, graduating Ochotonidae Cum Laude. Instead of settling down right away like all 721 of my sisters did, I decided to pursue a graduate degree. Like all good cottontails, I put myself through graduate school working as a Playboy Bunny at the Rarebit Den. There I met the famous milliner Mads Cloche. We dated for a while, but I soon discovered he was extremely unhinged with a self-destructive tea time addiction. I broke it off and focused on finishing my studies, finally completing my dissertation in Cutaneous Saltation. (more…)